What if I Don't Pass?

“What if I don’t pass?”

Surely that’s not the kind of thing one puts on a post about going back to school on Instagram. No one is going to post pictures of new notebooks and write under them “manifesting a passing grade.”

Instead, we prefer phrases like “new year, new goals” or “this is going to be my year.”

For some students, however, the goal is not to get the best grades in the class. It is moving past the subject, which has haunted them for many months now. It is comprehending the chapter that they never could before. It is receiving their exam results and praying that it doesn’t say what they feared.

Having been through difficult times academically, returning to school becomes an entirely different experience. It's not just the beginning of a new year. You’re entering into the new year trying to carry proof that you still remember what you learnt last year in the back of your head.

You know all those grades that you didn’t want to get? You know the test days when you left knowing you had probably failed? You remember promising yourself that next time would be different.

Next time comes along.

This can create an interesting dynamic in the beginning weeks of classes. You might be ready to embrace the new year, yet scared of being in the exact same situation again.

Anxiety can be particularly difficult when you feel like the rest of the class is advancing while you’re playing catch-up.

What if I fall behind again? What if I study and still don’t understand what’s going on? What if I work my hardest and it’s not even close to enough?

And the most terrifying question of all: What if I fail again?

I think we should be focused on addressing that more realistically.

Not all students begin the year with university in mind, achieving straight As and being the best student. Some students focus more on getting through to the next level. Others can just be trying to convince themselves that they are capable of passing something they struggle with.

I’ve also found out that having trouble in class does not mean that you are unable to do well academically. Some things just require a different approach.

Sometimes you have to seek assistance, while other times you have to go back to the very beginning rather than think you know everything already. And most importantly, sometimes you have to realise that not everyone starts from the same place.

Sometimes, all you need is another chance.

Set realistic goals rather than impossible ones. Rather than being ashamed of not knowing the answer, ask questions. No matter how small it seems. Teachers will appreciate the effort!! Study regularly rather than only when panic drives me to. I fell victim to this so many times, so try not to make the same mistake.

And, above all else, keep in mind that one failure does not dictate my whole life.

But I am learning that confidence does not always come before the hard task. Sometimes you undertake the hard task first.

After that, you look back and realise you have been able to do much more than you ever thought possible. So, to anyone returning to classes this year who is excited, scared, behind, starting out afresh, struggling to pass, struggling to improve, or simply not giving up:

And if you fail at something, it does not make you a failure.

It makes you someone who has something new to learn, change and try. So to those of you who are going back to school this year, whether you are thrilled, nervous, behind, starting from scratch, trying to pass, trying to improve, or simply trying to keep going:

You do not need to know where the year will take you.

You just need to know that you are willing to start. And if you fail in your attempts, you are not a failure. You just need to learn something, make a change, and try again.

I know that fear of not being good enough can be scary, but I also know that:

You can fail an exam but still not fail at living your life.

You can fall behind but not stay behind.

You can start over again and not be embarrassed about doing so.