Fractured and broken friendships hurt, probably more so when you least expect them to turn out that way. But, with a pandemic that compels you to isolate yourself, it may not be that uncommon an experience. Though nothing we say may change your situation, knowing that you're not alone might help you unpack and be kinder to yourself.
Try to acknowledge your feelings.
Sometimes, just saying that you might have lost a friend can be hard in itself. When you have had someone in your life for a long time, and suddenly you don't, you may feel confused and doubtful.
Often, you may see it as a reflection of the relationship itself, viewing it as shallow or just not as strong as you expected. But, sometimes, people outgrow one another, something not totally implausible when you've had the time to introspect and change. Some people are not as comfortable communicating online in the same way. Or conflicting schedules and family dynamics may not leave people with the time and space to talk. And these are only a few possibilities! The loss of a friend doesn't necessarily have to be a measure of how close you initially were.
Try to acknowledge what has happened, and allow yourself to process that in the way you need. Don't beat yourself up for being hurt or sour, for it might be a better idea to take the space and time to feel your emotions instead of bottling them all up.
Friendships can rekindle-but it's okay if you don't want them to.
Losing friends doesn't mean you cannot get to know them again. Maybe try checking in on that friend you haven't spoken to for months and see if the conversation flows. Who knows, they might be feeling the same way you do but just don't know how to reach out. Of course, the response may not always be favourable, but at least you won't have a "what if" haunting you.
Alternatively, sometimes, familiarity doesn't let you reflect on how someone really makes you feel or how healthy it is to have them around. In some cases, the end of a relationship may just lead to relief. In others, it can be bittersweet due to recognising how much it meant to you, even if it harmed you. Either way, you may not always want someone back in your life, and that's okay too.
Relationships have their lows that may sometimes spiral into endings. But that does not inherently imply something about you except for bringing out how much you value human connection. Try to view yourself with the same compassion you view others, and maybe, you will be able to treat yourself better than you currently do. <3